The Unknown

I realize that the title of this blog is "Today I Found God In..."
Therefore, it might seem that the title of this post is an oxymoron.

But it isn't...
Today and well, for the next year, I'll be finding God in the unknown.

You see, last night was the end of my Subway career.
I no longer have the title of Senior Sandwich Artist. 
I no longer have the bright, gold store key dangling from my keyring.
I will no longer recieve a bi-weekly paycheck.

Rather, for at least the next five months, I will be living off a monthly newspaper check and budgeted student loan money...........

Crazy, right?

Maybe you're wondering why I would do such a thing when I have an apartment, utilities and a car to pay for as well as three hungry roommates to feed.

Well, it's simple, really.
Mustering the courage faith to do so may have taken three months...
but the reason behind my actions is still a simple one.

Quitting Subway is what God wanted for my life right now. Moreso, total surrender is what God wants from my life. That includes surrendering "my" time and "my" finances.
Surrendering my COMFORT.

For months now, He has been tugging at my heart strings.

First, He told me to get involved with the youth at Fellowship. I did so, (reluctantly) and now He has given me a small group of 9th grade girls to shepard whom I absolutely adore.

Then, He told me to get more involved on campus. So, I did that too and I have come to love every moment spent with my J-birds, choir family and new friends alike.

Yet, all the while, I've been working at least 20 hours a week...on top of school work...on top of housework...on top of loving Jesus...on top of loving others (notice, the last two on the list of priorities)...

Recently, I've been given some grand opportunities.

One of which=discipling a girl at CBC. A girl who wants to learn and grow in her relationship with Christ and who literally said, "I think that I could learn a lot from you..." in random conversation one evening.
Secondly=Tomorrow, I'm leaving to go to "Winter Conference" with UCA's chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ. They'd love to plant a chapter of Cru at CBC...and need help doing so...

However, there's no way that I could even consider doing any of that on top of my work load...

-So, God made it pretty clear that Subway had to go...vice versa, actually.-


Honestly, the nostalgia still hasn't hit me yet. I mean, it's hard to believe that for the first Saturday in two years I'm not spending at least six hours of my day making sandwiches and waffle cones.

I will miss my crew so much, but luckily, our friendships have deepened over the course of the past month, not dissolved.
Many mushy goodbyes were unnecessary because I know that since we are friends, not merely co-workers, we will still hang out. I will still get the privelege of pouring love into their lives.
Praise Him.

As, I told a dear friend last night, I'm ready.
Ready to let go...
Ready to give comfort, security and understanding the back seat.
Ready for an adventure.
Ready to passionately pursue God and his people with the prayer that they will do the same.

Though I'm sure that this will be one of the hardest seasons yet and that Satan will try to destroy me in any and every way possible, I fully believe that Yahewh-jireh will provide.
Both monetairly and spiritually.

He, unlike myself, is always faithful.

I told another friend, "hopefully the unknown likes me alright."

"I'm sure it will enjoy getting to know you just as much as you do it," he responded.

I bet he's right. :)

Reconciliation

Though it is Christmas, the day that most celebrate the birth of Christ, a different subject has been brewing in my mind...

No, it isn't gifts Nor delicious, homemade food. Definitely NOT shopping.
(Conway Commons is a scary territory during this time of the year.)

The word: reconciliation.

Over the course of a year, I've witnessed a family that I love dearly fall to pieces right before my eyes.

Kids have been torn, back-and-forth, from one parent to the other, every weekend. Hurtful words have been said...things that can't easily be taken back...phrases that no one ever wants to hear.

Heartache has taken its toll on mom, dad and all of seven kids.

Yet, in the same neighborhood that devestation has setteled, reconciliation has moved next door.

The cross above was given to me today by the father of said family. He told me that himself and one of his sons had spent almost two months making them for friends and family.

"Money has been scare, but we still wanted to show people our love for them," said he.

Though the handmade cross is a beautiful token of love, more important to me was the smile and hug that accompanied it. This man literally darted across our small, Baptist sanctuary (darting didn't take long) and greeted me with a huge hug and an even larger smile.

If smiles could talk, his face-encompanying one would have said thank you.

You see, he is back in church. He is loving his children and is doing his best to provide for them.
More importantly, he has finally given his life to God and is actually concerned about spiritual matters.

This is the man who left my other mother and "sister" almost a year ago. However, despite the divorce, he is making the next-best effort to do right by them.

Reconciliation is occuring...

A few days ago, a girl, Hayley, entered the sub-shop. She and I went to the same high school. This happens quite often; I see people that I know all of the time.

However, the sight of her was different. After recognizing who she was, the pain set in. A deep, sharp pain that penetrated straight to my heart.

A pain that I hadn't felt in two years.

You see, Hayley was good friends with a former best friend of mine, Julie. Julie and I had a beautiful friendship for four years. When our friendship ended swiflty, a month before I left for college, it hurt. Badly. For a very long time.

Tonight, I texted Julie for the first time in about a year simply saying Merry Christmas and hoping that all was well with her.
To my surprise, she responded. In fact, we carried on a conversation like civil people and updated one another about our lives. Though I know that we will never be "real" friends again, the blessing of talking with her was nice. I forgave her long ago and I feel that she knows that now, if she never did before.

Reconciliation.

My small girls and I have been reading through the book of Luke for the past two months. I don't find it coincidence that on Christmas, rather than being in Chapters 1 & 2, the forecoming and birth of Christ, we were in 23 & 24, the death and resurrection of Christ.

If Christ had not been born...

then He could not have died.

Reconciliation would not be possible.

Not between God and man.
Not between man and fellow man.

Though it was undeserved, God chose reconciliation.

He let mercy triump judgement....

                                                             (Photo courtesy of Becke Stuart)

...a lesson for all of His children to take to heart.